I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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