omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
