im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
