I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
