so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
