I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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