Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
