Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
