I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize