ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
