but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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