Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
