i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
