I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
