So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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