i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
