theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
