What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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