We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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