have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
