what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
