I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
