My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
