still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
