you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
