I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You don't make any sense
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