My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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