Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
