he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
