the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
