In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
