you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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