Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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