I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
