I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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