The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
