She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
