you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
