I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
