So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
