Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
