and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
