I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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