idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
