I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dignity is for republicans.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
