Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize