Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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