It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize