guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
