i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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