i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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