She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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