My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize