I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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