My friends, they love my intelligence
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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