considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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