so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
