I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
