Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it's great music for shaving your balls
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
