so that wasnt chicken after all
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
