thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize