thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
