You just made me feel so damn special
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
