Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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