3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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