I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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