No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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