I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
