they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
