i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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