Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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